Jesus extends God’s compassion to each of us.
Who could forget the photos of Pope Francis kissing the disfigured face of Vinicio Riva that flooded the media? Riva’s body, ravaged by neurofibromatosis, was not miraculously healed by the pope’s touch. Nevertheless, images of the warm, welcoming embrace touched hearts around the world. Describing that moment, Riva told reporters, “I felt only love.”
Love’s power to heal goes deeper than physical recovery. God sees the real source of our pain, which is often isolation. That’s what God seeks to heal. Gospel stories of Jesus’ encounters with suffering and marginalized people demonstrate love’s healing power.
Contact with Jesus restored many to wholeness whether or not their isolation had a physical cause. Their stories are our stories, too.
Moving Past Our Shame
A woman who had been menstruating for 12 years made her way through the crowd gathered around Jesus. In that culture she was considered unfit to come into contact with others, but she risked it anyway. Once she touched the hem of Jesus’ cloak, the woman felt herself cured. She tried to slip away, but Jesus stopped in his tracks to find the one who touched him. Only after reassuring the woman with kind words did he send her on her way in peace. Instead of slinking away in shame, she walked through the crowd with dignity.
Another woman, whose sins were well known to the community, dared to approach Jesus and anoint his feet with expensive perfume. Jesus received her lavish gift graciously and gave her the gift of acceptance in return. Shame can keep us in self-imposed isolation. How often do we long for the reassurance that we are worthy of respect in spite of our defects? We all have flaws—flaws we probably learned at an early age to cover up to avoid rejection. Even if we keep our shameful secrets locked within our hearts, however, we know they’re there. We may succeed in hiding them from others, but suspect that if others knew the truth, they’d abandon us.
Our relationships can’t heal our isolation if a sense of unworthiness tells us our true selves are unlovable. While we don’t need to—and shouldn’t—broadcast our secrets to the world, a safe, encouraging atmosphere can help us move beyond our shame. It is life-enhancing to share our defects confidentially with at least one trusted person who will accept us as we are.
We can then begin to accept ourselves.
Let Go of Crippling Guilt
Guilt can cripple our efforts to move forward or to connect with others. The paralytic brought to Jesus on a mat was in obvious need of physical healing, but the first thing Jesus said to the man was that his sins were forgiven. Only after empowering the man through forgiveness did Jesus tell him to get up and walk.
What burden of guilt might have weighed the man down or made him suspect he deserved his plight? Peter, in spite of boasting undying loyalty, abandoned Jesus in his hour of need by denying him. Who knows what depth of guilt gnawed at Peter’s heart? The resurrected Christ first invited Peter to affirm his love three times. He then recommissioned Peter to feed his “sheep.” Peter could strengthen others because he faced his own flaws and had been loved through the process.
What keeps us from standing up for ourselves in an abusive relationship or when we find ourselves in unacceptable circumstances? Might we suspect—on some level—that our past transgressions make us unworthy of something better? In an atmosphere of love, we can face ourselves honestly and deal with our guilt feelings. It’s safe to acknowledge our shortcomings when we know we won’t be devastated by rejection. We can begin to identify and let go of the false guilt we sometimes feel when we fail to live up to unrealistic expectations—our own or those of others. We also can take stock of our legitimate guilt.
Like Peter, we can begin the healing process by taking steps to make amends. We are then free to move on, strengthened with compassion for ourselves and others.
How Fear Holds Us Back
Jesus enabled a mute man to speak by casting out whatever demon imprisoned him behind a wall of silence. We aren’t told much about the man. We can only wonder how his life changed once he was able to communicate with others. How many relationships developed or were deepened once he could share what was in his mind and heart? Are we like him? What holds us back from speaking what is in our minds and hearts?
Little children who’d been turned away by Jesus’ disciples received a warm welcome from
Jesus himself. This preemptive move offered the vulnerable little ones healing from the exclusion that can threaten healthy self-esteem. Fear can cut us off from the flow of healing love we all need. It might be the biggest block to connecting with others. Fear of rejection, failure, or looking foolish can prevent us from reaching out. We’re afraid that what we have to say will be criticized or that what we have to offer isn’t good enough. So we hold back.
Fear leaves us—and those we fail to connect with as a result—separate and alone.
Unconditional Love
We all have imperfections—physical or otherwise. A fear-based sense of inadequacy can prevent honest and loving connections with those around us. Loneliness is a soul-sickness. Modern research even suggests that the brain’s neural responses to social exclusion are similar to those caused by physical pain. Maybe that’s why Jesus gave his followers a new commandment: “This is my commandment: love one another as I love you” (Jn 15:12).
What the world needs now is what it’s always needed: love. But what kind of love? Romance doesn’t last forever. Feelings come and go. Loving those who are kind, attractive, or admirable is easy. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t go far enough. Jesus challenged us to love one another as he loves us. How does Jesus love us? Unconditionally.
God’s message of unconditional love is as important for us today as it was in biblical times. Jesus wants to embrace our totality in his love—not because we are lovely, but because he is love. As an old hymn describes it, “Love to the loveless shown, that they might lovely be.” Examples from Scripture like those above invite us to face the truth about ourselves. Jesus’ unconditional love empowers us to do this.
The good news is that Jesus welcomes and loves us, warts and all. But because he loves us, he will not leave us as we are. He invites us to wellness, to wholeness, if we will follow. Secure in his love—even at our most unlovely moments—we begin to grow. We taste unconditional love. This watershed of healing power dissolves the narrowness and fear within our hearts. We become more accepting of ourselves with our flaws, and we begin to accept others with theirs.
As we love others in spite of their imperfections, we are loving ourselves, too. Nourished by the love we receive, we can risk reaching out. When we see people embarrassed, exposed, or vulnerable, we can give them some sign they are not alone: a hug, a smile, or an “I’ve been there, too.” A few kind words can go a long way. We’re empowered to love others as Jesus loves us when we’re united to the source of never-ending love.
After the embrace that rippled through the world between Vinicio Riva and Pope Francis, Riva told the Italian magazine Panorama, “It all lasted not more than a minute, but it seemed an eternity.” Such is the power of love to catapult us out of isolation and into a fellowship that enables us to glimpse the Eternal.
Loving without Limits
We can’t give what we don’t have. How do we develop a sense of being loved without limit?
♥︎ Read Scripture: God lavished love on those who didn’t deserve it. When we reflect on God’s choice of Jacob the cheater or David the adulterer, or on Jesus’ forgiveness of those who crucified him, we begin to see that if God’s love extended to the likes of them, it surely extends to us.
♥︎ Pray and meditate: Formal prayers can help us entrust ourselves to God’s care. Moreover, the psalmists praised God but also shared their hearts and bared their souls in the most gut-wrenching emotions. We can do the same.
♥︎ Count your blessings: Writing a gratitude list leads to a sense of being cared for. When we list what we have to be grateful for—beginning with the things we take for granted—we get a sense of God’s goodness operating in our lives.
♥︎ Partake in the sacraments: Who couldn’t use more grace in journeying toward love? The Sacrament of Reconciliation is particularly helpful in healing our wounds and helping us experience God’s love, which goes deeper than our worst regrets.
♥︎ Connect with others: Healthy relationships nourish us and teach us how to love. Whether these relationships come through family, friends, or a faith-based group, if we seek, we will find. God will always lead us to what we need. Our job is to be open and willing to follow.
