What does it mean to accompany one another? The road to Emmaus can be our guide, writes Father Fred Cabras, a Franciscan mental health professional.
Many of us are familiar with the captivating story of Emmaus (Lk 24:13–35). If you’re not, I encourage you to take a few moments and immerse yourself in this story. It’s a post-Resurrection narrative of two disciples on the road to Emmaus where they unexpectedly encounter Jesus, though they initially fail to recognize him. It is also a vivid illustration of the concept of accompaniment.
Jesus physically walks with the disciples, sharing his story, which lies at the heart of accompaniment. What unfolds on the road to Emmaus underscores the importance and power of our personal narratives, reminds us of the love we have for others, and invites us to journey together. It also highlights the role of personal stories in fostering deep connections, a concept that resonates with all of us.
As a mental health professional and a religious priest, I have come to love the story of the road to Emmaus, and any chance I get, I use it in my homilies and professional presentations. We can take away many things from this story, which is so rich with wisdom and guidance around accompaniment.
The Power of Sharing Stories
The account profoundly reflects the power of accompaniment: It is more than just a dialogue or an attempt to “fix” the disciples. After the initial dialogue, Jesus takes the time to share his story, the story of his life on earth, and how his coming was foreseen, “Then beginning with Moses and all the prophets, he interpreted to them what referred to him in all the scriptures” (Lk 24:27).
How rich an experience it is for the disciples to be able to walk with Jesus as he shares his story. Sharing one’s personal story can be a powerful experience and a way to enter deeper into relationships. When we are blessed to be able to listen to another’s story, we can enter the heart of accompaniment. At its heart, accompaniment is simply listening.
In my ministry, I often get asked, “What is your secret?” I tell people that it starts simply with love. I love people enough to allow them to share their story and to listen. Many times, people are not looking for you to “fix” or “solve” their problems, but just want someone to love them enough to listen. At the heart of the Gospels, are we not called to love each other? To listen is a way to love another.
I have walked with many people who experience mental health challenges, and the best way I can respond is by listening to their stories. This is precisely what the disciples do on the road to Emmaus. Though it is not stated, I can imagine that the disciples listened to Jesus as he shared the richness of his story. The disciples responded to Jesus with love by listening to what he had to share. This becomes evident when the disciples later state: “Then they said to each other, ‘Were not our hearts burning [within us] while he spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?’” (Lk 24:32).
The burning the disciples experienced was love. What a beautiful phrase, “Were not our hearts burning?” When I can genuinely love and listen to another person, I often feel a warm sensation as that person shares their story, struggles, joys, and life. What a blessing to be a part of this story!
Lifting the Stigma
When it comes to mental health challenges, sharing one’s story allows a person’s experiences to go into the light. Often, our mental health struggles live in the darkness, not only the darkness of difficult emotions but also the darkness of fear and stigma. Stigma keeps those who experience mental health challenges in the darkness because they fear that others will judge them, criticize them, or call them “crazy.” I know this from personal experience because I live with a mental health diagnosis, and people have not always been kind to me in their responses to my struggles. Often, I worry that sharing my story will make others think less of me, believe that I “should” know better, try to fix me when I don’t see myself as broken, or simply not understand and make comments that hurt me.
Yes, I am a mental health counselor, and yes, I am a priest in a religious community. Yes, I sit on the board of the National Catholic Partnership on Disability and Committee for Mental Illness and Wellness, but that does not mean that I have it all together. I struggle just like other people, and maybe even more so because of my mental health diagnosis. When I share my story, I don’t share it because I want people to feel bad for me or necessarily ask for people to “fix” my problems.
I share my story because I want to take my experiences from the darkness and bring them into the light. Though it is scary to do so and makes me more vulnerable, it reminds others that we do not struggle alone. Other people are out there who share in this struggle.
People often ask me: “Shouldn’t this be between you and God?” And I tell them that God gave us each other to share in our lives. So, yes, I always talk with God about my struggles, but I also speak to others. I share my story to allow others to accompany me and for me to be able to accompany others. It is a both/and kind of relationship. I choose to walk with others just as much as they choose to walk with me. This adds to the richness and power of my story.
A Mutual Exchange
This leads me to the importance of walking. One piece often overlooked within the Emmaus story is this other nugget about accompaniment. The story reads, “And it happened that while they were conversing and debating, Jesus drew near and walked with them” (Lk 24:15). The key phrase here comes right at the end: “And walked with them.” Two things are happening here: First, Jesus chooses to appear to the disciples and walk with them to Emmaus, and secondly, the disciples allow Jesus to walk with them. There is this mutual exchange where both Jesus and the disciples choose to accompany each other. They both decide to engage in conversation and open their hearts to each other.
Notice that it does not say that Jesus led the disciples or that they followed Jesus. They walked together. This helps us with our mind frame; we are not saying that one person is greater than the other but that we walk along the road together.
Sure, we all carry different challenges, but just because one person is experiencing a difficult time does not make another person more significant than them. We all share the same dignity and respect given to us by birth. In Pope Francis’ recent exhortation, he reminded us that we share in the dignity given to all persons by nature of their birth. We were all created by God and so share in God’s divine and human nature. We all walk the same path, though it may appear different to us.
For accompaniment to triumph, there needs to be this exchange. All parties must choose to enter into a relationship and be open to hearing the other. To hear someone is to listen with your ears, head, and heart—to listen with compassion, free of judgment or criticism. I often converse with couples, and they tell me that their partner is not listening to them. I have frequently said that they are talking at each other, but neither is listening. To listen means to give the other person your full attention. Listening is not trying to come up with a response while the person is talking. When walking with a person who struggles with mental health challenges—or, honestly, with any person—we need to decide to join the person on their journey and step away from this idea that we are to lead them.
Become an Emmaus Walker
Accompaniment is not easy. We all carry reasons why it seems difficult to accompany others. Maybe a person has said something or done something that upset you. Perhaps you are worried that they may hurt you, or maybe the other person will not allow you to walk with them. Regardless of the reason, it is essential to remember that accompaniment takes at least two people. Please do not try to accompany if you are not in the space or the other person is not. It is OK to say no. When you and the other person are ready, God will make it happen.
These tools can help you become what I call Emmaus walkers: people who use the story of the road to Emmaus to accompany others, especially those who struggle with mental health challenges. To be an Emmaus walker, you need to follow the steps laid out in this article: Allow space for a person or yourself to share their story, respond to them with love and with a listening heart, walk alongside the person, and, finally, leave out any judgment or criticism. If you can incorporate these tools, you can accompany any person in your life.
Don’t forget to ask God for help, asking him to open your heart to the other, to open your mind to their words, and to open your mouth to provide them with words of love and support. Remember, accompanying is about sharing one’s story and choosing to walk with the person with a listening heart. I pray that you may find the time to accompany others, see the space to share your story with others, and join the many who call themselves Emmaus walkers.
